Body positivity is something we all love in theory, but almost no-one can practice it all the time. Chances are, there will be a time where you will hate the way you look. Chances are, you are not alone.
This is a conversation that happened between myself and a friend whom I love greatly. We look nearly nothing alike, and have very different insecurities, but both of us struggle to love our physical appearance. But sharing those struggles has helped me cope with my issues and improve my physical and mental health – and all it takes is honest, supportive friendship.
Our self-hatred can be the most difficult thing to acknowledge, but doing so can be liberating and life-saving.
I have the deepest gratitude and appreciation for Evaan for being a wonderful friend, and for allowing me to share this – if you want to hear more from him (and you should), check out his YouTube channel at Evaan Jason,
Evaan Ferreira: Oh. I wanted to vent. ????
Adam: Feel free
Evaan Ferreira: I’m feeling so ugly today ????????????????
Evaan Ferreira: Yeah that’s all I wanted to say ??????????
Adam: Any reason in particular, or just one of those days?
Evaan Ferreira: Like fat and unfit and ugly ???? ew
Adam: Good timing I’ve been having a similar day
Evaan Ferreira: I don’t know. I just feel really ew and it’s annoying me. And I’ve been feeling like this for a while but it’s really hitting me now.
Adam: Okay well firstly you are beautiful, and I know that’s not particularly useful right now but it is true and ought to be said
Adam: Secondly, I think it might be true that external validation is always gonna fuck us up. Standards are way unrealistic and always changing
Evaan Ferreira: Thanks ????
Adam: Like ten years ago everyone wanted a flat ass
Adam: And the only things that seem not to change are that being skinny and white is good
Adam: So fuck that
Adam: See if you can find one thing about yourself that you like. For me it’s my eyelashes
Adam: The other things I can only feel sustainably good about when I realise that they’re not good cos other people say they are, they’re good cos they’re mine. I laugh at my non-existent ass and the scars on my back and my hips, but not in a mocking way, and more a “these things are mine and I’m going to look after them cos no-one else will” and sometimes that helps a lil
Adam: And when it comes to body shape I try to realise that it’s not about the outcome – cos that’s depressingly far away – and more about the fact that if I don’t love my body now, I won’t care for it long enough and consistently enough for it to change
Adam: And loving it doesn’t mean “it’s beautiful and fantastic” cos that’s not how I feel. It means “this is me and Imma look after me cos this is the body that gets me through”
Adam: Without my skinny legs I’d never get anywhere
Adam: Without my weak ass arms I’d never write anything – and I owe a lot to my writing
Adam: And even when I don’t take care of my body and it feels disgusting and ugly, my body doesn’t abandon me. It keeps doing its job
Adam: So maybe if it can do that even when I’m mean to it, I should try be kind to myself even when it feels really hard
Evaan Ferreira: You should write all of that into a blog post. Thank you ???
Evaan Ferreira: I just feel like im carrying so much weight around with me. Literally and figuratively.
Evaan Ferreira: I don’t know. I went on a 5km walk to the beach today. And I felt so good after. But now I just feel shit.
Evaan Ferreira: Sorry for being negative again. ????
Adam: APOLOGIES ARE BANNED
Adam: That can spark these feelings. Cos it reminds you of how far you are from where you want to be
Adam: Again, I think the key is to trust in the process, not the outcome – and to give yourself time. You have only lived a quarter of your life. You have half a century to get where you want to be – you probably don’t even know where you want to be. So don’t rush, and don’t bash yourself for not being constantly on your toes. Long term = sustainable. Rushing = failure. Tortoise and the hare
Adam: It Be’s That Way Sometime https://g.co/kgs/2gQWQo
Evaan Ferreira: I guess I’m just too hard on myself. And more than anything I should be thankful that I’m alive and well, and healthy for the the most part.
And you’re right. There’s a whole lot ahead of me that I have no idea what’s going to happen. I shouldn’t get stuck in the now and the small details of it all. I have to trust the process.